You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
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I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
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So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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