he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
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Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
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i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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