i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize