I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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