I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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