Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize