oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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