her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize