that's an acceptable place to lick
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
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I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
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I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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