sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I think your dad took our porno
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize