It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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