dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize