How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
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He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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