he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
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Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
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Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
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