turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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