based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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