I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
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