eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
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Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
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But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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