im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize