the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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