I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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