Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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