When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize