she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
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He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
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Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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