Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
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and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
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Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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