plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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