tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
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The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
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Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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