So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i love accidental penises.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize