the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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