I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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