First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
we should paint friendship bongs
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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