she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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