Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
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They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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