I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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