forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
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