on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd cum for enchiladas.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize