I wish I could teleport
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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