He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
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Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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