sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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