I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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