Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize