Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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