On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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