Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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