I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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