i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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