just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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