i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize