he thought i was a dude.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize