i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
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some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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